Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Vacation

The day after school let out, Jeff took the kids and went with his parents to Cedar Point.  It was a trip his parents had planned for the kids for a while.  After talking about it, I told Jeff he should go along with them.  It's a big place with lots of walking, and I know Jeff loves Cedar Point and that way the kids wouldn't wear his parents out.  Our kids can go non stop all day at theme parks (they get that from their dad). 

So, I was going to have several days to myself, which I was SO excited about.  I know it sounds terrible that I wanted them all gone, but if you're a mom, you probably understand.  You spend day after day week after week month after month and year after taking care of everyone, and it wears on you.  I was thrilled at the idea of not having anyone else to take care of for 5 days and 4 nights!

The morning they left, I was up early to tell them good bye.  I'd packed their stuff up the day before and it was ready to go, so they only had to get up, eat and brush their teeth before leaving.  I couldn't go back to sleep, so I went outside and did some yard work for an hour or so.  There is a lot of weeding and watering to do and if I don't keep on top of it, I regret it.

I was hot and sweaty once I came in, so I showered and then got a few things done around the house.  I'd spent the days before cleaning really well so I could actually relax while they were gone, but I wanted to change their bedsheets for when they came home, and I vacuumed.

I played my Animal Crossing game and then I decided to go out to get my friend, Diane, a gift.  She was coming over that evening and we were gonna go out to dinner and hang out.  She bought a new house recently, and I wanted to find her a housewarming gift, so I went to a bird store that is nearby.  When I pulled up, I saw a sign saying live owls were there!  A rehabilitation lady brought them, so I got to see them up close.  One was a barred owl, and the other a red morph eastern screech owl.  I talked to the ladies there for the longest time about birds.  It's nice to talk to people who get you.

Me with the screech owl


Diane and I had a great evening just catching up and talking.  She comes over now and again, but it's often when the kids are here, so we can't really talk in the same way.  We lit the fire pit and sat outside and talked and roasted ginormous marshmallows.

The next day my mom came over and we had lunch.  I didn't do much but hang around the house that day and just be lazy watching tv and reading.  That was actually the only day of the 5 that I had the tv on at all!  I watched the last episode of Game of Thrones.  I am so sad it's over, but I am reading the books, so that will hold me over for a while since they are looong.

On that Monday, I woke up with a feeling that I wanted to get pierced.  I've been thinking about a couple different ear piercings for a while now, so I went to the mall to the place where I've gone several times, River City Tattoo.  This is a different location, but it's the same company.  I ended up deciding on getting my tragus pierced.  I was a little nervous about it since I'd heard it was painful, but I'm pretty tough, so I knew I'd be ok.  It really didn't hurt much at all.  You feel a stick and pressure, kind of like when you get a shot, but it's over so fast.  It's a little uncomfortable when they thread the jewelry through, but not bad at all.  Later that evening I went to see Diane's new house and we hung out for a bit and I played with her kitties.  Her husband made dinner, and it was SO nice to eat a meal that someone else made.  :)

My  new piercing (the one on the far right)


The next couple days I didn't do much but read and hang around my house.  Another friend of mine came over another evening and we just talked.  We also don't get to just hang out and talk a lot because our kids are always around, so it was nice.

They came home Wednesday and I was so happy to see them. As much as I wanted some time alone, it's still hard being away from them.  I am pretty sure it's the longest time I've been away from any of them.  It sure went by fast!

Jeff didn't have to go back to work until day, so we did some things as a family the last few days, like bowling, which was fun.  I had my best game ever, where I bowled a 157.  

We are going to the beach (Va Beach) for a week in July, and I am excited about that.

Yesterday we took a day trip to the mountains.  I will do another post about that.  :)  We joined a local pool, and I am excited about that since it's so close to the house and it will give us more things to do.  It is kind of pricey, but includes a gym (so I can cancel Gold's) and it's got an indoor pool so I can swim year round, which is awesome!  They also have a daycare, so hopefully Jeff and I can work out together more often.

What have you been up to so far this summer?


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Wednesday, June 11, 2014

The Dissolution of Marriage

In the last week I've read several articles about marriage and divorce (posted on random people's facebook pages).  There were psychologists stating statistically who will get divorced and that it can be predicted by the first 2 years of a marriage. 

One article said that people with extremely long engagements (we're talking years) are more likely to divorce because if it takes you years to marry someone, then there is obviously a reason you were hesitant.  Another part of the article said that couples who marry very quickly tend to divorce.  That isn't surprising because getting to know someone takes time, so when you jump into a lifelong commitment with someone you barely know, chances are there will be problems.  Lust isn't love.

This made me think of all the married people I know and have known over the years, and how sadly, at least half of them did– or are getting–divorced.  I'm a pretty observant person, and I noticed that many times the people rushed into their marriage.  They barely knew each other a few months before planning to get married or were pregnant.  So, they got married because of that. 

I belonged to a messageboard for moms, and I noticed that many people started getting divorced after they had kids.  That is sad, but not really surprising.  Having kids more than doubles your stress, and if you add that to a marriage that is "perfect" it's still hard, so devastating for one that is already troubled.

I don't want to link the blog here because I don't want to send traffic there since I don't particularly care for this guy's blog, but he wrote an article about marriage.  He talked to a man who'd been married several times, and this man was cynical when the blogger said he'd never get divorced.  The blogger went on to talk about divorce parties (yeah, people actually do these- as if they don't get enough gifts and attention from their engagement party, wedding showers, wedding, baby showers, etc) and how people don't take marriage seriously (they don't).  So, I agreed with a lot of points (even if he did seem smug) but then again, who is he to think his marriage is 100% beyond divorce?

You don't ever know what another person will do.  You just don't.  No matter how well you think you know them, they can do things you might never have thought in a million years they'd do.  You might know you'd never cheat or leave or whatever else, but how do you know with 100% certainty that they won't?  You don't.  You only trust that person and hope things will work out.

This is a problem too, because people get married thinking it will always be blissful and easy.  Newly married or together people are the most deluded.  They haven't been through anything rough yet, so they have no idea how their spouse will react to certain things.  What if a family member dies?  What if your spouse is in an accident and can't ever walk again? What if you are infertile or have a child who dies?  What if you both lose your jobs and are flat broke?  These things may not make you love your spouse any less, but extreme stress is hard on a marriage, and some people don't handle it well.

When they say marriage is work, that is an understatement.  Your relationship is something you have to maintain and put effort into.  You can't be lazy all the time and put all the planning, dates, romance, etc onto one person.  It's like a garden.  If you neglect it, it will start to wilt, then wither away.  Weeds will take over and soon it's a big mess you have to figure out how to clean up.

Love is the foundation, but it's not enough.

 true love

I don't think I have some perfect marriage.  We've had ups and downs over the last almost 14 years we've been married.  There have been many many stressful times (family members dying, losing our jobs, being broke, infertility) and although I am sure we didn't do things perfectly all the time, I think overall we've handled them well enough.  Overall, I do believe we have a good marriage that is strong.  We love each other and we try our best to be good people and parents.  One thing I think is very important in a marriage is the ability to be honest with the other person.  If I think Jeff is acting like an ass, I tell him exactly what he's doing that is ticking me off.  He is honest with me as well.  I feel that our relationship is pretty equal in that regard.  We both know that the other will not make any big decisions without talking to the other. 

That doesn't mean it's impossible for us to ever get divorced.  Life is short.  There are many people who stay married who are not happy.  Yet, we celebrate long marriages as if that somehow means they are successful.  My parents were married for a long time before my dad died, and their marriage was not happy.  They brought out the worst in each other and were miserable most of the time.  That isn't a way to live, and I think it's ridiculous for people to pretend that living like that is a good thing just because they feel obligated.  Yes, I think people should work on their marriage before giving up, but no one should have to be unhappy for someone else.     


 extraordinary love


What are your thoughts?  Do people give up too easily?  Do you think rushing into marriage is a bad idea?

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